Hello magical friends, and welcome to episode 125 of WZRD Radio! I’m your hostwitch Bess, and today I have just so many special treats for you! First of all, the WZRD Radio 5th anniversary comp, “Just Joy,” is available today! I’ll include a link in the transcript for anyone who wants a copy. [link]
And don’t forget! The Summer! Of! Fun! zine is open to submissions of all sorts through the end of this month. I’ll be sending out physical copies to everyone who contributes, so get your art, writing, quizzes, and fanworks of all sorts in! That link will be in the transcript as well. [link]
And finally, this interview wasn’t done by me! As a special treat to myself I deputized Irvin Khaytman of The Three Broomsticks podcast to go into the wilds of New York to interview one of our more elusive wizard rockers, Celestial Warmbottom. Their conversation is such a treat and I can’t wait for you to hear it.
But first, of course, comes the music. Here’s Dream Quaffle’s “I’m a Puff, and I’m Staying.”
~*~
That was “I’m a Puff, and I’m Staying” from Dream Quaffle [lyrics], “The Final Battle” from The Cruciatus Curse’s latest album, and “Que le jeu commence” by Les Kids des Etoiles [lyrics].
“I’m a Puff, and I’m Staying” was a special request from my wonderful patron Celia. It’s dedicated to Christine with the message “Happy birthday Christine! I’m so glad you joined the wizard rock community.” And I’ll say happy birthday too! I hope you get a delicious pink cake and a very important letter.
And now let’s hear Irvin’s interview with Celestial!
Irvin: Hello, this is your special correspondent Irvin Khaytman, the Dark Lord of the Dance, leader of the Dancing Death Eaters. And I am interviewing the iconic wizard rock band today, Celestial Warmbottom. Celestial, it’s good to have you with us.
Celestial: Of course it is.
Irvin: Yes, <laugh>.
Celestial: And it’s wonderful to be with you, my darling. Uh, very few of you people realize that I am his grandmother as well.
Irvin: Yes, that’s true. Uh, we met half my lifetime ago and you pretty much adopted me within half an hour of knowing me.
Celestial: Exactly. And you’re stuck with me now forever.
Irvin: Exactly. And so when we met, uh, in 2009, you were already walking around proclaiming yourself the eldest wizard rocker.
Celestial: Yes. Yes. And I hope to God that I still am.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: Good.
Irvin: Well, uh, why don’t you tell us how you first discovered wizard rock?
Celestial: Ah, oh, that’s a good one. I was in, I believe it was Boston, at a Harry Potter convention. I think it was Boston anyway. Or Chicago. Chicago. And I’d, oh, I’d heard about, you know, Harry and the Potters, you know, forever. And, uh, they had a show happening at this convention, and Harry and the Potters was their, you know, primo act. And I went down and I see these two guys on stage, and they’re singing and everything. And I am flawed. I’m just beside myself. I loved it! I ran to the, to the, the merch desk, and I bought up every Harry and the Potters thing they had. I spent every penny that I had on me at that time. And, um, I’m just loving it. And now they’re still performing and performing and everything. And then their act is over and the guy says, “let’s give it up for Draco and the Malfoys.”
I said, “what?” I said, “I thought that was Harry and the Potters.” No, no. They’re the opening act for Harry and the Potters. I said, “you gotta be kidding.” I go back to the merch table. They wouldn’t gimme my money back, unfortunately. And so I stayed to hear, Harry and the Potters, which was good. But I fell madly in love with Draco and the Malfoys. I mean, they were phenomenal. So, um, being a quasi-singer myself, I decided maybe to get into it. And I did a little porn writing in, you know, my time. So I, I knew how to write and, um, I just decided to, uh, try to start singing and, um, wrote a couple of songs. But I came up with a name for myself ’cause I couldn’t call myself Deanna, you know, I mean, that’s not Harry Potter-ish enough. So I was trying to think of a name. And I always liked the, um, the whatchamacallit bottoms, the, um…
Irvin: Longbottoms.
Celestial: The Longbottoms, okay. And I always felt a very close tie to Neville. I thought I would be his second grandmother type of thing. And, uh, so I had a friend named Celeste, and I thought, “Hmm, Celeste sounds good. How about Celestial?” Very cosmic and all that good stuff. I could see stars and whatnot. So I called myself Celestial, but I couldn’t take Longbottom. Well, first of all, it was too boring, Longbottom. Uh, so I thought about myself, and of course, at the time, I wasn’t all that gorgeous, but when I was young–
Irvin: Liar.
Celestial: Mm. When I was young, I was a knockout. So I thought, Hmm, how about Warmbottom? Because I certainly had a warm bottom at that time.
Irvin: <laugh>
Celestial: So that’s how I came up with Celestial Warmbottom <laugh>.
Irvin: Excellent. And how soon after that did you come up with the tagline? ‘Why keep a cool head when you can have a Warmbottom?’
Celestial: You know, I’m not too sure I came up with that tagline. I think that was Paul Liaw who came up with that.
Irvin: Oh, that makes sense.
Celestial: I think it was it was, was it Paul? I’m pretty sure it was Paul who came up with that. Somebody came up with it, of course. Just knowing me, anybody would come up with something like that.
Irvin: <laugh>.
Celestial: Really, you know, just goes without saying.
Irvin: So you decided that you would also get into, uh, wizard rock.
Celestial: Mhm <affirmative>.
Irvin: You came up with the perfect band name, Celestial Warmbottom.
Celestial: Mhm <affirmative>.
Irvin: What did you do next?
Celestial: Well, um, I always thought I liked the character Rosemerta. I mean, she was as close to my character as, uh, as I was gonna find in Harry Potter, that’s for sure, age-wise and everything. And of course, she was the sexiest woman there. So, uh, uh, I did, I wrote the song–pretty sure the first one I wrote was Rosemerta. As matter of fact, it was! And I sang it for the first time at that, in that Harry Potter convention at… Not sure where it was now, I’ve been to so many, but one of them anyway. And, uh, people seem to like it. So then I just started writing other songs. But Rosemerta was the first one. <laugh>
Irvin: And honestly, it’s one of my favorite ones.
Celestial: Oh, thank you, thank you.
Irvin: Yep.
Celestial: I mean, I’m at the age now when, if I wanna sing one of my songs, I’ve gotta get the music out so I can remember the words, <laugh>.
Irvin: Well, and how soon after you started performing Rosemerta did, uh, you incorporate puppetry?
Celestial: Oh, that was Flitwick! Oh, my. Um, it was about, it was about two years, I think, after I, I wrote Rosemerta that I, I did, uh, the Flitwick puppet. I think I found him at the Union Square, uh, market at Christmas time. I’m pretty sure that’s where I found him, yeah. And, uh, I just fixed him up a little more, but he was pretty much looking the way he still looks now. But, yeah. Um, I mean, Flitwick and Rosemerta, I mean, it was, uh, meant to be, you know, I mean, uh, he was a little, a little pervert but everybody knew that already, so, <laugh>
Irvin: Yeah, I– Where exactly the books did that come across for you?
Celestial: Oh, no, you have to read between the lines,
Irvin: <laugh>.
Celestial: That was very obvious, very obvious. Also, it was very obvious that Dumbledore was not completely gay.
Irvin: So that’s a hot take. Um, I remember your most controversial number is your rap titled “Dear JK Rowling.”
Celestial: Right. Because she was totally wrong about that. I know that Dumbledore is not gay, he’s bisexual. So let’s let that just drop the question that, that goes without saying. There’s no question about it. I mean, yes, he likes the boys, but, uh, he also liked women. I mean, that’s for sure, because we all know that he, and, uh, you know, a few of the girls there, uh, were hot and heavy. So–
Irvin: As the song goes, “he was willing whenever she was ready?”
Celestial: <laugh> Exactly. Yeah. Everybody thought that, uh, professor, um… McGonagall.
Irvin: Okay. <laugh>
Celestial: Professor McGonagall was, you know–
Irvin: You, I mean, you s think about him sleeping with everyone. I didn’t know which professor you meant.
Celestial: Of course! Of course he did. But, but McGonagall was his, uh, his first, and, you know, true love, and, and he was her true love, that was the thing. She was crazy mad about him. And McGonagall wasn’t the shy, timid woman, uh, and stern yet, but, you know, well, you know… Her stern side came to the fact that–very few people know–that they were both a little bit into S&M as well, you know? Oh, yeah. Well, I just have to look at her to know that, you know, she’s got a couple of crops and things under her bed, you know, and very few people knew about this, but I did, you know? I won’t say that, you know, I was involved, but I was. But yes, they, you know, they had a lot of good times together, you know.
Irvin: Yeah.
Celestial: I mean, uh, they were good. They never fooled around with the children, of course, but, uh, they did a lot of fooling around.
Irvin: Uh, so as the somewhat controversial rapper, um, the wizard rock scene, have you ever, uh, you know, gotten into any vigorous debates, any rap battles, any dis tracks with other wizard rockers on the subject of Dumbledore being gay?
Celestial: Uh, no. I think that everybody’s pretty much afraid to even mention to me that he’s totally gay. You know, they know where I stand on it, you know? So nobody wants to get a smack in the head. So, uh, <laugh>, no. I mean, um, you know, I had it out with JK a long time ago, you know, that she was totally wrong about that, you know? But, uh, you know, everybody, you know, she had the pressure on her from the gay community and everything, but there’s nothing wrong with him, you know, with saying the truth that he’s bisexual, you know? I might even say trisexual, but we won’t go into that right now, you know?
Irvin: No. Uh, we will go back to your wizard rock journey.
Celestial: Mhm.
Irvin: Uh, so, uh, when you set out to write, uh, songs.
Celestial: Yes.
Irvin: Uh, were they original or were they parodies? Because I thought they were all original. And then I think me and my Dancing Death Eaters were working on “Hey, Dark Wizard.” And one of my dancers recognized the melody from a song, and I was like, “wait, really?”
Celestial: No. “Hey, Dark Wizard” was, well, was for me, was original. I didn’t take it from any other song. There might have been a song, there might be a song out there that’s got the same tune, but not that I’m familiar with, to be honest with you. I thought it was original. The only ones that I can remember that I know I took as a parody is the Christmas one. Um, “We Saw, uh, McGonagall Kissing Santa Claus.” That’s like a 1950s, uh, Christmas song.
Irvin: I mean, Harry Potter parodies on Christmas carols are a time honored tradition.
Celestial: Right. And then the one, um, the heck is the tune, <singing> “there was a man, da da da da,” I forget the name of the song. It’s such a famous song, but that, uh, you know, was a parody. Uh, but I don’t think any of the rest of them were. At least, I can’t think of any that are, but you can’t hold me to it because, you know, I am, uh, 21 plus. So, uh, my memory isn’t great, but I, I don’t think any of them were, rest of ’em were parodies. I think I made up the music to them all.
Irvin: So, uh–
Celestial: <laugh>, I’ll be honest with you, I’m not sure.
Irvin: Since you mentioned you are 21 plus, um, when you started wizard rocking, were you right away the eldest on the wizard rock scene? Um, or did you come by that title later? And how did you ascertain that you were the eldest?
Celestial: Well I asked everybody how old they were for one thing. But there were actually, when I went to the first convention, which was in, uh, Las Vegas, there were two women there. I believe they were sisters. And I think one of them had a grandson with her, too. And, uh, although I didn’t ask them their age, they certainly looked, uh, older than me. And, uh, so I’m assuming they were. They weren’t from New York, though. I, I don’t remember where they were from or anything. Midwest, I think, but they were older than me. But as far as like our, you know, Harry Potter here in New York and the group and everything… Well, actually,
Irvin: I was about to say!
Celestial: All right, Linda is a little bit older than me. She’s a couple of months older than me, but, um–
Irvin: But she moved to Salem leaving you the undisputed eldest.
Celestial: Exactly, exactly. <laugh>. Right. I gotta tell you, I was really upset when I realized she was a couple of–she was like, about a month and a half older than me or something like that. <laugh>
Irvin: Yes. Well, that’s why my entire life, I’ve known you as Deanna the Elder.
Celestial: Well, no, they call me Deanna the Elder, not because I’m the oldest, you know, in Harry Potter.
Irvin: No, ’cause then they’d call you Deanna, the eldest.
Celestial: No, no, no, no. There’s another Deanna.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: That’s why. So there’s Deanna the Younger.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: And Deanna. The, uh, you know, old and <laugh> old and falling apart. That’s me. Deanna the Younger is a beautiful kid. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Uh, and I loved when I met her that there was another young lady named Deanna. Well, certainly I wasn’t young, but a, a young lady named Deanna. And she was just beautiful. So it made me feel very good that she had the name and she had the beauty. I gotta say, she was a lot prettier than I ever was, but, uh–
Irvin: Liar.
Celestial: Well, <laugh>. No, you know darn well. She was beautiful. Or, is beautiful.
Irvin: I know, I know darn well you were too.
Celestial: Yeah. Well, I was more sexy than beautiful.
Irvin: Good. So, um, in, um, in Russian pop, there’s a tradition of when they have big round birthdays, you know, 60th, 70th, 80th. They do jubilee concerts to celebrate. So since you have a big birthday coming up in February, uh, do you anticipate a big, uh, jubilee concert of Celestial Warmbottom music?
Celestial: Oh my god. You know, I totally forgot that I’m gonna be 80 in February. Huh. Thank you for reminding me!
Irvin: Happy to.
Celestial: Oh my gosh. Well, I hope to live to be 86. I thought I’d get 86 outta this world, you know, <laugh>. But, uh, let’s, let’s pray to God that that happens.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: I wouldn’t mind living long ago, I’ll tell you the truth. But, uh, yeah, I’ll be 80.
Irvin: Well, you’ll make history. You’ll be the first wizard rocker wrocking into their eighties. Certainly not the last, I hope, as you know.
Celestial: Good grief, no. <laugh>
Irvin: Uh, but the first for sure.
Celestial: Really. Oh, that’s nice. Okay. You know what? I might have to start thinking about writing a couple more songs then.
Irvin: I think you should.
Celestial: You know, one thing I never wrote was a song, like a Halloweeny type of a Harry Potter song. ’cause Halloween being my favorite holiday.
Irvin: Well, it’d be depressing as hell because Halloween is very upsetting in the books.
Celestial: Not for me.
Irvin: I mean–
Celestial: I mean, yeah. In the books, yes. But Halloween in general–
Irvin: It’s when James and Lily died.
Celestial: Well, yes, yes, that’s true. But I didn’t die, so it doesn’t matter.
Irvin: Wow. <laugh> Savage words.
Celestial: Who died at Halloween?
Irvin: James and– James Potter and Lily .Harry’s parents.
Celestial: Oh, good grief. You’re– oh, right. It was Halloween, wasn’t it?
Irvin: Yeah.
Celestial: Shows you what my memory is like. I thought it was Christmas.
Irvin: Nope.
Celestial: Oh, great. What a memory. Good grief. Really?
Irvin: Yeah. I promise.
Celestial: This is embarrassing. Oh, well, <laugh>, believe me, if this is the only thing I’d ever been embarrassed by, I’m doing good.
Break time! Aren’t they a hoot? Anvil & the Hints are kicking off our next music break with “Lily.”
~*~
That was “Lily” from Anvil & the Hints[lyrics], Nearly Headless Nick’s “Panic at Hogwarts,” and “Who’s the Rat” from The Gryffindor Common Room Rejects [lyrics].
Now let’s get back to that interview!
Irvin: I know, uh, on this podcast, we like to ask wrockers a lot about how they’re starting out. So you’ve written the music, right?
Celestial: Yeah.
Irvin: You also started making merch, right? Because this was in the days when everyone had CDs of their music.
Celestial: Yeah.
Irvin: You gave me one, um, I believe it was called, you know, Celestial Warmbottom, Empress of Wizard Blues.
Celestial: Right.
Irvin: Um, you have the fabulous Celestial Warmbottom t-shirts with the artwork. Uh, so how, how did all of that come about and get started?
Celestial: Oh, sucked royally. I, I’m not good. I’m good at, um, you know, I’m, I’m very crafty, you know, I do the seashell work and everything. I’m very talented with artwork and, and crafts and stuff, but I’m the worst person when it comes to sales. I gave away 99.9% of my, of my merch.
Irvin: I believe that.
Celestial: Oh, no–
Irvin: I, I received a good chunk of it, <laugh>.
Celestial: It’s, well, that’s different. You’re my boy. But I mean, I just, you know, gave stuff away because, uh, I’m a lousy salesperson. I have all this stuff I wanna sell this summer. Not Harry Potter stuff, but my seashell stuff, I know that, you know, it’s gonna be a bust. I’m just not good at selling. I’m more good at giving. So, but, uh, you know, the merch thing, um, I don’t know. It, it, it never worked for me. Never worked for me.
Irvin: Yeah. It still could, you should start bringing it to the wizrock concerts you play.
Celestial: What am I gonna bring? I gave most of it away. <laugh>.
Irvin: Touche.
Celestial: That’s the problem. <laugh>. No, no, no, no, no. It’s fine. It’s fine. I mean, if I do find a couple of CDs or something, I actually found one the other day. Um, you know, I just, anybody who really wants it can have it, you know?
Irvin: Well, listeners, uh, as I am sure some of you are aware, if you want to hear Celestial Warmbottom’s, uh, music, it is all available on the Wizrocklopedia BandCamp.
Celestial: Oh, okay. Good.
Irvin: Yeah. Which, you know, uh, helps support, uh, both the Wikipedia and lets you hear some fairly unusual wizard rock.
Celestial: Even more reason for me not to sell mine! You go spend your money with them, they need the money. <laugh>, I don’t <laugh>. Oh my goodness. But a lot of my songs are not, uh, I, I have no, I Googled, you know, Celestial Warmbottom and found some of my songs on there, but not all of them. There’s a few songs I didn’t see at all, or hear at all.
Irvin: I mean, I think only the ones on the CD you gave me are probably available online.
Celestial: Yeah. I, you know, I’d have to, I’d have to look into, uh, if I have another CD that’s got, uh, you know, some other songs that I wrote. I can’t remember. I remember, I, I, um, what was that beautiful woman and her husband? Uh, she, oh, she was talented. My god. The Asian woman. What’s her name? She’s got the two children.
Irvin: Oh, Stacey of Swish & Flick.
Celestial: Stacey! God what a memory. Oh, now that’s talent.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: And beauty. What a sexy, gorgeous woman she was. And her husband’s such a sweetheart. The kids must be big now, my gosh.
Irvin: Yeah, um, the oldest one is off to college.
Celestial: No!
Irvin: Yeah.
Celestial: No wonder. I feel so old. Good grief. Uh, lovely. God bless ’em. Well, I did a lot of, uh, my, you know, my taping and whatnot through them, um–
Irvin: Fandom lore is that people have thrown, uh, their bras at John when he performs. Have you ever had undergarments thrown at you during a set?
Celestial: No. Unfortunately, no.
Irvin: Would you like to, because you know, I am planning the next AvadaKedavrock <laugh>.
Celestial: <laugh> I’d rather somebody threw money at me. <laugh>.
Irvin: Okay, listeners, you heard it here first. Uh, if you ever see Celestial Warmbottom perform, please throw either dollar bills or undergarments at her.
Celestial: Exactly, exactly. No coins, please.
Irvin: <laugh>
Celestial: They scar. But you know what I was very upset about when you were talking about merch? There was a couple of things that I made. I made penis snoods, nobody ever bought them! Now, I don’t understand that. They made a lot of sense. It was winter, for Pete’s sake!
Irvin: It’s inexplicable.
Celestial: I know! What’s wrong with these kids? And also my penis wands! I mean, I made them specific to the wizard. Okay? Like right now, I have Neville’s right here. Uh, unfortunately, the, uh, the wand part broke off. But here’s the handle. Now the handle is the penis. That’s Neville, right? Perfect! Look at that. See? But it, but it broke off.
Irvin: Uh, listeners, if you were seeing what I am seeing, uh, you would never, ever look at anything the same way again.
Celestial: <laugh>. Well, I was always a very good sculpturist. You see, I did that on myself a long time ago. I was always worked very well with clay. I was very good at molding things, especially young men. But anyhow, um, that, yeah, I made wizard, I made penis, wands, and they just didn’t take off. I don’t know what’s wrong with the young people in this country, for Pete’s sake. I don’t understand. I made, I made one of Snape. Oh, I gave that one to Linda. That’s right. One of Snape was two, uh, serpents, uh, with two long tongues sticking out because he was not circumcised. Okay. So, um, and Harry’s, uh, you know, I mean, believe me, they were all different. <laugh>. They were all different. And I say that because I knew exactly what they looked like, so I was speaking from fact. But that is definitely Neville. Of course, it’s Neville not excited that, you know, I, if he, if it was Neville while he was excited, it would’ve made the wand too long.
Irvin: <laugh>.
Celestial: Well, he was a Longbottom. Let’s face it <laugh>.
Irvin: I, I have no way of following that up. <laugh>. Um, what, what was, uh, your most memorable wizard rock show, uh, that you performed?
Celestial: Oh, that I performed in?
Irvin: Yeah.
Celestial: Hmm. I’d have to say the most memorable one is the one where I sang Rosemerta, which I’ll be darned if I remember. If that was in, uh, no, it wasn’t Vegas. It had to be in Chicago or Boston. When I sang Rosemerta. Uh, ’cause it was the first time time I sang in public, not because I used to be a blue singer, professional blue singer, but that I sang wizard rock in public. And, uh, and went over very, very big. And I’m pretty sure Draco and the Malfoys backed me up. Somebody else backed me up. I can’t really remember, but I remember the feeling of coming off the stage there. I was on cloud nine. Uh, it was really lovely. It was wonderful. Everybody loved the song. It was the first time I sang it for anybody. And the first time I sang, uh, you know, wizard rock in, in public and not just, you know, in the bathroom. So that, that’s the one I’d have to say I remember the most. And, and it’s the most dear to my heart. Yeah, definitely. Mhm.
Irvin: Yeah. Well, and I know you’re a huge crowd favorite, uh, at my series of wizard rock concerts of Avada Kedavrock.
Celestial: Those are the most fun. I mean, I mean, anybody that’s been to one is gonna, is gonna have to say the same thing that I say. I’ve never had more fun than when you do your Avada Kedavrock shows. I mean, those are the most fun. You have a, a more variety in the group of people that you have performing. I mean, your dancing is always the hit of the show to begin with. But, uh, those are the most fun. I mean, the concerts were wonderful in their way and whatnot, you know, on stage and all that stuff. But when it comes to just darn fun, I would much prefer just to keep doing, uh, you know, those, like the last one I did. But this time, the next one I do, I’m going to do it bigger. I’m definitely going to have Flitwick with me.
Irvin: Yes.
Celestial: He’s a must. I know people have seen him. Maybe they’re a little bored with him and this and that, but I have a whole new twist on Flickwick, so he’s coming with me. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Irvin: Uh, and so, uh, listeners can look forward to seeing that at, um, our next wizard rock show, which is Rock the Peacock.
Celestial: Yes!
Irvin: On Saturday, October 18th.
Celestial: Yes! October 18th. You guys gotta be there. If anybody does not go, make sure that you don’t let me know. And if you do let me know, don’t come and see me, <laugh>, <laugh>. Don’t let me find you.
Irvin: Do you have anything else coming up down the pike other than Rock The Peacock?
Celestial: You mean singing-wise?
Irvin: Yeah, wizard rock-wise.
Celestial: Oh, wizard rock-wise, unfortunately, no. No. It seems like the youngsters have forgotten about the old lady. You know. I, I’ll never forget the first time that some kids came running to me in the street and wanted my autograph. I, I, I, I almost fainted. I thought it was, it was such a wonderful feeling that these young kids, and I call them kids, these young people, these young adults actually, actually knew who I was and, and, you know, cared enough to like, stop and say hello. And then when they asked me for my autograph, I almost fainted. It was such a lovely feeling. It really was. And I don’t have anything in particular happening. Uh, you know, I’m old. It takes a long time for me to just get up off the couch in the morning, you know? But I’m thinking about doing a little more writing. I am, I mean, wizard rock songs.
Irvin: Yeah. Well, uh, we’d be happy to hear them. I’m sure the Dancing Death Eaters would be happy to dance to them. I believe we have routines to three of your songs already.
Celestial: Ah! Which ones? Which ones which ones?
Irvin: Uh, well, we always do, “Hey, Dark Wizard” with you.
Celestial: Oh, yeah.
Irvin: That’s where it began.
Celestial: Oh, yeah.
Irvin: We do “Dear Aunt Celestial” about Lupin and Tonks.
Celestial: Oh.
Irvin: And of course, we have the rap with “Dear JK Rowling”
Celestial: <laugh>
Irvin: Which as someone who’s written a book about Double Door, that rap has come in handy many a time.
Celestial: I love that rap. I really do. I was so upset. I was with Wendy. We were in, uh, Carnegie Hall, and when, uh, JK said that he was gay, I mean, I, I think I slid, you have to ask Wendy. I think I slid right off the chair. I was the one screaming “No <laugh>. No, he’s not. No, no. He’s bisexual.” <laugh>.
Irvin: And, and thanks. That rap at my book Launch Party, we had a costumes dance number, uh, as I believe all good book launch parties should.
Celestial: Oh, definitely. You kidding? Without a doubt. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. Alright.
Irvin: Uh, do you have any advice for anyone who is starting out in wizard rock and like, wants to get in into it?
Celestial: Oh my gosh, yes. One thing: write, sing, and don’t ever be embarrassed by doing it. Just get out there and sing in the street, in the toilet, on stage, wherever, just do it. That’s all. Just do it. I know that the thing that stopped me for a long time when I was doing it was I felt like, “oh, this is silly. Nobody’s gonna want to hear it. You know, I’m looking like an idiot.” Whatever. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wizard rock is so wonderful. I mean, just look at all the fantastic writers and singers and performers that are doing it. I mean, for me, of course, Draco and the Malfoys have always been my absolute favorite, you know? But there’s a lot of others that, you know, that I love. What are those? You know, my, you have to excuse me folks, because I’m old and my memory is really terrible. But what are those two wonderful sisters that come outta Massachusetts? I think it’s Massachusetts. Ah, the librarians.
Irvin: Oh, the Gringotts Girls. Oh, uh, not Massachusetts. I think they’re upstate New York.
Celestial: Oh, okay. Okay. I was thinking of them as being from Massachusetts. I mean, I, they–
Irvin: I mean, they give off Salem vibes. I get that.
Celestial: Oh, they definitely, definitely do. I mean, I just love their stuff. And, but there’s so many others. I just can’t remember the names. Was that that other woman? And she had a baby with her. I can’t remember her name. She was wonderful at the show when I did. Oh, what the hell? Well, you’ll have to excuse me folks. ’cause I’m old and my memory sucks. Anyway.
Irvin: Okay. Um, is there anything else you’d want to tell us about you and wizard rock?
Celestial: Nothing that we could really put on tape. I’m–no, no. I mean, uh, <laugh> and somebody wants the number of how many wizards I’ve, um, well, let’s just say I’ve been with, I’ve known, uh, um, they’d have to email me because, uh, I can’t say it online. It would just be terrible.
Irvin: Yeah.
Celestial: I’m too old to say.
Irvin: Actually, I, I do have, um, one more question. So you think from the perspective of Celestial Warmbottom, which is an original character within the wizarding world, who has seen some things, been with some people, um, and knows a lot. So how much of Celestial’s biography, you know, do you have in your head? And how much of it do you just come up with on the fly when writing a song?
Celestial: No, I am Celestial Warmbottom <laugh>. If you knew me, uh, you know, really knew me, you’d know that, uh, I really have to cool down Celestial Warmbottom ’cause uh, if, uh, she was exactly like me when I was younger or young, um, we wouldn’t be able to tape her songs at all. <laugh>, forget about it. <laugh>. I mean, I make Rosemerta look like, uh, like a, I don’t know what, just, uh, nothing. No, no, no, no.
It’s time for our final music break! First up we’ve got “Open Letter” from Hank Green.
~*~
You just heard Hank Green’s “Open Letter,” “Felix Felicis” from Miss Parkinson, and The Sorting Hat with “Get Your Hallows Up” [lyrics]
If you’ve been having fun with this interview, then you’ll want to check out Irvin’s MalfoyCon this October in NYC [link]. There’s going to be a massive wizard rock show on the 18th [link], and the whole weekend is a celebration of all things Malfoy as a launch party for his latest book, “Malfoy: The Most Treacherous Family” [link].
I’ll include links to all of it so you can check it out.
While you’re planning your travel for that, here’s the last bit of the interview between Irvin and Celestial!
Irvin: Okay. Uh, well, and I believe we always end with, um, the wizard rocker in question, picking a song of theirs to close out the episode. So which song do you think we should play to wrap up this interview?
Celestial: You mean song of mine?
Irvin: Song of yours.
Celestial: Hm. Oh, Rosemerta.
Irvin: Alright, then give a listen to–
Celestial: Oh, you mean I have to sing it?
Irvin: I mean, you could, uh, we were gonna play the recorded version, but yeah.
Celestial: Play the recorded version. <laugh>.
Irvin: Well, in that case, we will do that. Um, this is going to be “Rosemerta, Rosemerta” by Celestial Warmbottom. Celestial, thank you so much for sitting–
Celestial: Ohh, you’re welcome.
Irvin: –sitting down with WZRD.
Celestial: And I’m glad that we did this now, because as you all can see, uh, I am aging quickly and my memory sucks. And, uh, if we try and do this next year, I’ll probably remember less. So it’s good we did this now. Thank you so much. And thank you all so much for having any interest in me whatsoever. Um, I, and please, you know, get into wizard rock. Get into Harry Potter. I mean, it is not just, it’s not just a book. It’s not just a, a a–it’s a world. It’s a wonderful, wonderful world. And the only word, and I’ve said this from the beginning, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, there’s one word that says it all about Harry Potter. And that’s a four letter word. And believe me, it’s not the one one you’re thinking. It’s love. It’s all about love. And that’s, that’s it. It’s all about love. Loving people, loving each other, loving everything different about us. Everything the same about us. It’s love. I love you all. Thank you.
Irvin: Awesome. And we love you. Thanks so much, Celestial. Listeners, this has been your special correspondent Irvin, and we’re signing off. Thanks so much for listening to WZRD.
Celestial: He says he loves me, but I love him more <laugh>.
Irvin: Bye!
If you heard a song today and you thought “I could listen to that again” then go to the transcript at WZRDRadioPod.com, follow the link and buy a copy of your very own. It’s the best way to support your favorite musician, and without our wizard rockers, we wouldn’t be here.
If you want discounts on WZRD merch, the inside scoop on everything that’s coming up, and bonus gifts and episodes, then you want WZRD Radio’s Patreon at Patreon.com/WZRDRadioPod. It’s just two muggle dollars a month and also supports the Community Wrock Fund, where we’re raising funds to help wizard rockers achieve their musical dreams.
If you want to keep up with WZRD between episodes, you can find me on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok at WZRDRadioPod. If you don’t believe in social media, you can also comment on the transcript or email me at WZRDRadioPod@gmail.com.
And now, here’s Celestial Warmbottom!
WZRD Radio Podcast 