Hello magical friends, and welcome to episode 135 of WZRD Radio. You’ve probably noticed that I am not your usual hostwitch, who is currently under the weather with a terrible case of dragonpox. Bess is expected to make a full recovery but she asked me, Lillian, also known as Hope & the Howlers, to fill in for her until she’s no longer breathing fire when she talks. We’re sending our thoughts and prayers by owl, Bess!
Speaking of magical diseases, and because I can’t resist, here’s a trivia question to start off the show:
In Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix, what disease does Luna Lovegood speculate that Chaser Zacharias Smith was suffering from as she commentated for the Gryffindor vs Hufflepuff quidditch match?
If you know, please feel free to share your answers in Patreon comments, the wizard rock Discord, or via whisper into your most conveniently located snitch.
Back to business.
WZRD Radio is delighted with how strongly wizard rock has started off this year and we can’t wait to share it with you, but you know we’re a music-first kind of podcast.
Here’s our first set of songs, starting with Abby Ritter and “It’s Intersectional.”
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We kicked off this month with “It’s Intersectional” by Abby Ritter,” Losing Lara and “Feel like a Horcrux,” and Ashley Hamel & Grace Kendall’s “Bring Them Home.”
And now it’s time to hear from that wandering wix, our Special Correspondent in the Field, DQ!
ScitF DQ: Happy Valentine’s Day, my card-carrying cupids! This is Special Correspondent in the Field, DQ, with a Fanfic Fieldwork segment as a valentine for you. Last month’s fanfic was something a little bit more recent, so this month we decided to go back a few years and choose something with a holiday theme that had a couple more acknowledgements to it. Maybe you’ve read it, maybe you haven’t. If not, this will be your first opportunity to experience “The Worst Plan He’s Ever Had” by Gnarf. That’s G-N-A-R-F. This fic was published on November 6th, 2018 and has a very impressive 6,451 Kudos on Archive of Our Own. Tags include “fake/pretend relationship,” “cuddling,” and “snuggling,” “Valentine’s Day,” and my personal favorite “everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.” The summary is as follows: “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend until Valentine’s Day is over. I detected at least three hexed objects in my mail and five attempts to poison me with love potion this week and I’m sick of it.” “To be—your boyfriend?” Malfoy’s voice stuttered and Harry braced himself for the punch he was expecting. But it never came. Instead— “Fine. I’ll do it.” Harry couldn’t believe his ears. “Just like that?” “Yes Potter, just like that.”
In the notes, the author writes, “thanks to my lovely beta KristinaBird, I’m so grateful for your help. You’re an awesome beta and person. This fic was meant to go on Tumblr, but it got a wee bit too long for that. I hope you like it!” And I hope you enjoy this passage from “The Worst Plan He’s Ever Had.”
Harry was on time for dinner, he had made sure of that. Malfoy however, was not. He knew Malfoy had agreed too easily and now he stood here like a fool waiting while half the school was staring at him, and the git was probably sitting somewhere with his friends laughing his arse off. He just wanted to go back to the eighth year dorms when a voice from the other side of the entrance hall called for him. “Harry! Wait! I’m so sorry I’m late!” He was looking around to find the source, when Malfoy’s head popped up in the crowd of students. He knew he hadn’t imagined it. Never had he heard Malfoy’s voice like that, soft and nearly caring, and he had called him Harry for fucks sake. Nothing made sense anymore. Finally reaching him Malfoy smiled widely at him and took Harry’s hand in his own, guiding them towards the Great Hall. Harry already noticed people staring at them while making space for them to move through the crowd. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. “It took me ages to finish this essay. I’m really sorry I made you wait. Did you finish your potions assignment?” Malfoy’s voice was still unrecognisable and Harry had some real problems coping with that. When Malfoy squeezed his hand he snapped back to reality. “Uhm, more or less, yes. It’s Slughorn, he’ll make it count anyways.” “Probably. Tomorrow still stands, yes?” Malfoy asked as he guided Harry through the Great Hall towards a free seat at the Gryffindor table. “Tomorrow?” Harry was more than a bit puzzled now. “Our date in Hogsmeade, love. I told you, last week. I knew you’d forget,” Malfoy grinned. Finally catching on Harry smiled at him, “I’m so sorry. Yes of course it still stands darling. I promised you, haven’t I? So I’ll take you to Hogsmeade and maybe we can find a nice jumper for you, you’re always so cold. A nice light blue maybe? I’m sure that would look great on you.” Now it was Malfoy’s turn to stare at him while Harry guided him to sit at the table before taking a seat next to him. Everyone around them was silently gaping, seemingly trying to understand what just happened.
If you’ve seen more than a few romantic comedies, heck, if you’ve seen a trailer for one romantic comedy, you can probably guess where this is going. But if you’d like to find out for yourself, you can check out “The Worst Plan He’s Ever Had” by Gnarf on Archive of Our Own. This is Special Correspondent in the Field, DQ saying, happy Valentine’s Day, wherever you are, whomever you are with or not with, and however you celebrate.
Thank you DQ! Is anyone else’s reading list growing?
While you’re looking that up, here’s “All of Us” by Slytherin Soundtrack.
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That was “All of Us” from Slytherin Soundtrack, Tianna & the Cliffhangers with the pointed “My Cursed Child Review,” and the 8th Horcrux with “These Beasts are Fantastic” [lyrics].
The weather may be cold, but our fandom is warm! Here’s some of what’s going on in February. And as always, if you don’t see anything that catches your fancy, check out what’s going on at your local library or host it yourself!
On Bess’ behalf I’d like to say thank you to WZRD Radio’s incredible listeners who found some of these events for her; she literally couldn’t do it without you.
February 7th there’s a Harry Potter themed escape room in Budapest, Hungary. [link]
Odessa, FL is hosting a WizardFest February 20-March 6th, including classes, cocktails, and treats! [link]
If you’re in Charlotte, MI on the 19th, you can visit the Hogwarts-Style Dinner! I hear there’s going to be a full Diagon Alley as well. [link]
Swansea in the UK is hosting a bottomless Harry Potter brunch on the 28th. [link]
And while Wizards After Dark isn’t until March 6th, the signup deadline is February 27th for this adults-only Harry Potter event. [link]
And wizard rock hasn’t been quiet! Tickets are officially for sale for WZRDFest 2, the west coast event in May. [link]
With our Grand Dame of wizard rock, Celestial Warmbottom, turning 80, Irvin of the Three Broomsticks podcast is asking for wrockers to send him videos wishing her a happy birthday. I’ll include his email address in the transcript for everyone who wants to join in! [email]
Hope & the Howlers–that’s me–are soliciting contributors to a Celestial Warmbottom tribute album, with the due date being April 30th. If you’re interested, the link to more info will also be in the transcript. [link]
And we can’t forget the music that came out last month!
The 6th Wizard Rock Cover Swap came out on January 10th. [link]
The Bookish Hufflepuff released both a single of her NEWTs cover and a cover album called (Not) The Bookish Hufflepuff. [link] [link]
Dream Quaffle gave us “Bits and Bobs,” an album of all their loose singles, now collected into one fun package! [link]
Striking Down Diggory released an all-acoustic album. [link]
And brand-new wizard rocker The Order of Prefects gave us “The Perfect Prefect!” (Try saying that three times fast.) [link]
Links to all these events, and more, can be found on the Potterhead Calendar page of the website. While you’re checking those out, here’s some more music!
First up is Muggle Snuggle’s “Parsel My Mouth.”
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That was “Parsel My Mouth” from Muggle Snuggle [lyrics], The Blibbering Humdingers with “The Niffler Swing,” and the Elvendorks’ “Accio Equality.”
And this is the end of our episode! I hope you found some new music and fun things to do.
If you heard your new favorite song, go to the transcript at WZRDRadioPod.com, follow the link, and buy yourself a copy. You’ll get a great new addition to your music collection and a wizard rocker will know they’ve got a fan. And you know what I always say: without our wizard rockers, we wouldn’t be here.
You can support WZRD and the Community Wrock Fund by joining the Patreon at Patreon.com/WZRDRadioPod. There are two, five, and ten dollar tiers that all get the same perks, including early episodes and bonus content, and support the Fund in helping our wizard rockers get their music out there.
You can still guess this episode’s theme on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok at WZRDRadioPod. You can also get in touch by commenting on the transcript or emailing me at WZRDRadioPod@gmail.com.
Get well soon, Bess, and until next time, magical friends: Ruddy brilliant!
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