Episode 53: In Which I Kick Harry Potter in the Face

Hello magical friends, and welcome to episode 53 of WZRD Radio. I’m your hostwitch Bess and this month—July—is one of the busiest in the Harry Potter fandom. So don’t forget to stay hydrated, stay vaxxed, and stay masked as you meet up with all your magical friends.

We’ll get into some of the wonderful fandom events soon, but here at WZRD, the music comes first.

Here’s “In Which Moaning Myrtle Moans” by The Moaning Myrtles.


That was the Moaning Myrtles with “In Which Moaning Myrtle Moans” [lyrics], The Hermione Crookshanks Experience singing “In Which No One Believe What I Say” [lyrics], and The Secret Broom Cupboard of Salazar Slytherin and “In Which We Fight Against Umbridge and Form The D.A.” [lyrics].

This month’s wandoscope is for magical friends who carry wands of pear wood.

You have ‘splendid magical powers’ according to Ollivander, pear wand. You are also incredibly resilient, warm-hearted, and completely incompatible with dark magic.

Something you thought was completely settled may come back and poke you in the nose this month, pear wand. It doesn’t hurt to challenge your assumptions, and I think you’ll come to a better understanding of someone you hold dear through the process. Just don’t be surprised when someone you didn’t take seriously, perhaps a kneazle whisker core or someone similar, says something that turns your world just a little upside down. Fortunately, we already know from Harry that when that happens, you just have to take the next step.

Next up we have The Hermione Crookshanks Experience and “In Which I Am Wrong.”


That was The Hemione Crookshanks Experience singing “In Which I Am Wrong” [lyrics], “In Which Draco Malfoy Cries Like a Baby” by Harry and the Potters, The Whomping Willows with “In Which Draco and Harry Secretly Want to Make Out,” and Catchlove with “In Which Our Claps Defeat Lord Voldemort.”

I hope you’re ready to party, magical friends! Here are just a few of the fandom events happening this month.

  • All this month Four Seasons is hosting a virtual Harry Potter book club for teens and adults, start on the 6th. [link]
  • Kent, OH is bringing back their Wizardly Weekend on July 22nd and 23rd. There will be a race, a bar crawl, magical putt putt and more! [link]
  • Tonks and the Aurors will be performing in Lebanon, OH on July 23rd. [link]
  • Muggle Snuggle will be performing at Confluence on July 29th, in Pittsburgh, PA. [link]
  • LeakyCon Orlando is happening from July 29-31. There will be performances by Tonks and the Aurors, Hawthorn & Holly, Lauren Fairweather and How Airplanes Fly![link]
  • The Wizard Rock Sampler is open for submissions! It’s the perfect time to try your hand at any form of audio entertainment, so get your submission in before August 15th. [link]

As for what I missed last month…

  • Bisexual Harry released “The Bi Who Lived” [link]
  • Harry and the Potters are celebrating 20 years with a giant sale on everything, including making all their music free. [link] [link]
  • The second Pedia Comp Club album came out, to rave reviews and nostalgia all around. [link]
  • We also lost Richard Grooms of Undesirable #1. He was an incredibly important, wonderful member of the wizard rock community. His family is planning a memorial service later this summer, in North Carolina and you can leave your memories of him on his obituary page. [link]

Links to these events, and more, are available on the Potterhead Calendar.

Our last music break begins with the Slytherin Soundtrack and “In Which Ron and Hermione Grow Old Together.”


That was “In Which Ron and Hermione Grow Old Together” by the Slytherin Soundtrack, The Parselmouths and “In Which Green is the Best Color” [lyrics], “In Which Dumbledore Never Texts Me Back” by Pussycat Dolores, and “In Which I Kick Harry Potter in the Face” by Draco and the Malfoys.

Now before we go, magical friends, I just wanted to let you know that I will be at LeakyCon Orlando! I’ll be taking some shifts at the Wizarding Wireless Collective table and have a few items of merch for sale there. I’ll also have free pins for listeners and badge ribbons for patrons. Slytherspouse will be with me, and we both are looking forward to meeting you, so please come say hi!

Since Nancy and Lan got the last Swish & Flick albums, I’ve picked up some download codes for Lauren Fairweather’s “With You, Whatever Happens” for upcoming first guessers!

Don’t forget! You can get your very own copy of all the songs you heard today by following the links in the transcript at WZRDRadioPod.com. It’s the easiest way to support your favorite wizard rockers and without them, we wouldn’t be here.

If you want discounts on WZRD merch, episodes a day early, and the ability to ask your favorite wrockers what their favorite candy is, you can join the WZRD Radio Patreon at Patreon.com/WZRDRadioPod. It’s two muggle dollars a month also supports the Yes All Witches grant in their quest to provide microgrants and mentorship to queer and BIPoC wizard rockers.

As always, you can get more WZRD/hostwitch content on all the social media platforms, including TwitterInstagramFacebook, and TikTok at WZRDRadioPod. You can also comment on the transcript or email me at WZRDRadioPod@gmail.com, if social media’s not your thing but you still want to say hi.

And don’t forget to get your guess in for this episode’s theme. There’s a free album available to the first correct guess.

Until next time, magical friends: Enjoy your holidays!

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